Support for Parents and Carers

Our Family Support Worker, Kate Davis, is available Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Please contact the school office to speak to her. 

Hello, I am Kate Davis, the Avenue Family Support Worker. My role is to provide practical and emotional support and offer advice and information to families who may be experiencing short- or long-term difficulties. I can help with any concerns you may have regarding your child’s wellbeing, behaviour or education. 

This year I will continue to ensure that I remain conscious of all the children’s feelings and emotions, with a focus on promoting positivity and mindfulness. At Avenue, we will continue to do all we can to provide a nurturing space for children in school to talk about their feelings and know that all emotions are welcome and listened to. Please encourage your children to talk to a member of staff who they trust about their feelings, and as always, I welcome any of you to reach out to me for further support and guidance. 

I can be contacted via the school office.

If you need support to respond to your child’s anger or aggression, here’s some advice on what you can do and where you can find help.         

How can I respond when my child gets angry?

Try to separate your child’s feelings from their behaviour, remembering that all feelings are okay, even though some behaviour is not. Make it clear that everyone feels angry sometimes but it is not ok to hurt others or break things.

Try not to get angry yourself. Focus on keeping a calm manner, simple sentences/words, minimal language and open body language – for example, not folding your arms.

Avoid asking them lots of questions when they’re feeling very angry or distressed. Acknowledge that they’re feeling angry and let them know that you’d like to talk with them about what’s going on when they feel ready.

Offer them some time and space to calm down. Leaving them alone (if they are safe) or turning your back (if possible) removes their audience and allows them to calm.  Sometimes it helps to offer suggestions of what they could do - listen to music, get under their bed covers.  Try thinking through things that help them stay calm, when they are calm.  Then you have prepared them for when they are needed. Have those items or photos of the activity or space to hand so you can reach for them as needed.  Try to suggest a child uses their strategy before they reach the point of crisis; when you can see they are 'bubbling.'

Once calm, give consequences.  The consequence is for the behaviour not for getting angry.  If they become angry but use the strategies you have discussed, this is a really positive thing and they should have lots of praise and reward for this. Make sure you are consistent with consequences. When children are angry they can also feel frightened about how out of control things seem. While they might not like it, they do need stability and consistency from you.

Once things have calmed down, try to open up a conversation about what’s going on. A child’s anger can boil over for all sorts of reasons – and sometimes there might be other feelings such as stress, sadness, hurt or worry underneath it. A person who’s feeling angry a lot of time probably isn’t feeling very happy – and while it might not be obvious, what they often need is support. 

Help them to recognise the patterns around when and how they get angry. Think together about what triggers their anger, and whether there are things that would help them to realise this is happening before situations become overwhelming.

Give yourself and your child some time for things to get better. Things don’t always change straightaway, and sometimes children just need their parents to notice and acknowledge that things are hard for them.

How can I respond to aggression and violence?

When a child is really angry and is struggling to manage this feeling, they can be verbally or physically aggressive, or violent. Sometimes you might not feel safe, and if this is the case it’s important that you reach out for help.

In these situations:

• If it is safe for you and your child, remove yourself and any other family members from the room.
• Risk assess your home when your child is not home. Remove heavy or potentially dangerous objects from the room. 
• If not safe to remove yourself, and you feel that you or anyone else is at immediate risk of harm, warn your child that if the aggression does not stop you will need to contact the police. Follow through and call the police if the aggression continues and you do not feel safe. Calling the police in a situation that involves your child is an incredibly difficult thing for any parent to have to do. But if your safety, or the safety of other family members, is in question, this may be the only course of action.

A child who is behaving in this way may need professional support to help them understand, and find ways of coping with, their anger. It's a good idea to speak to a professional if your child's anger is at this stage.

You can speak to a member of SLT, our Family support Worker or your child's class teacher.  We might discuss a referral to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) for professional support. Speaking to your GP is another source of support. 

Violence and aggression from a child is a very difficult thing for a parent to deal with. Things will get better - ask for help.

All children feel worried sometimes, and this is a normal part of growing up. At certain points, such as on their first day of school or before a test, children may become more worried, but will soon be able to calm down and feel better.

Anxiety can become a problem when a young person feels stuck in it, or when it feels like an overwhelming, distressing or unmanageable experience. If this kind of worrying goes on for a long time, it can leave a child feeling exhausted and isolated, and limit the things they feel able to do.

If your child is struggling with anxiety, there are things you can do to help them-

• When your child is in the middle of a very anxious moment, they may feel frightened, agitated or worried about having a panic attack. The important thing to do in the moment is to help them calm down and feel safe. These strategies can help.
  • Breathe slowly and deeply together. You can count slowly to five as you breathe in, and then five as you breathe out.
  • Sit with them and offer calm physical reassurance. Feeling you nearby, or holding your hand or having a cuddle if it’s possible, can be soothing.
  • Reassure them that the anxiety will pass and that they will be okay. It can be helpful to describe it as a wave that they can ride or surf until it peaks, breaks and gets smaller.
  • Ask them to think of a safe and relaxing place or person in their mind. If you haven’t tried this before, agree with them when they’re feeling calm what this place or person is.  Sometimes holding a memento of a relaxing place, like a seashell or pebble, can help.
  • Try using all five senses together. Connecting with what they can see, touch, hear, smell and taste can bring them closer to the present moment and reduce the intensity of their anxiety. 
  • Encourage them to do something that helps them to feel calmer. When they are feeling calm, work with them to list things that help them to calm.  Write those, draw those or make a special box containing 'trigger items' which remind them of their strategies (a photo of a certain place in your home or an object)

• In a calmer moment, talk with your child about their anxiety. Ask them what it feels like in their mind and body, and what things make them feel that way. Try to increase their awareness of when their anxiety is building so they can begin to use calming strategies earlier and ask for help.
• Think together about whether there’s anything in particular that’s making them feel anxious. Are there changes that could be made at home or school that would make things easier? If your child is worrying about things that are outside of their control, it might help to name together who is responsible for managing the problem – for example, you might say, “worrying about money is the parents’ job”.
• Try activities that help them to relax, such as mindfulness, yoga or meditation.
• Help them do the things we know are important for our mental health. Encourage your child to make sure they include regular physical exercise, try to sleep well, eat healthily, drink water and spend quality time with loved ones and friends (where possible!)
• Talk to us if you’re worried about your child’s mental health and things aren’t getting better.  A member of SLT, our FSW or your child's class teacher can help.  Things will get better - ask for help.

Supporting Your Child With Anxiety

This video is aimed at the parents and caregivers of children up to the age of about 12 or 13. The webinar looks at how anxiety or worry may present in children and the ways in which parents can support their child to cope.

How can I help my child if they are being bullied?

If your child is being bullied, don't panic. Your key role is listening, calming and providing reassurance that the situation will get better when action is taken. Listen to them and contact a member SLT or your child's class teacher at the earliest opportunity.  We do not tolerate bullying and we will address any reports of bullying immediately.  

Be prepared and stay calm

It is not easy to stay calm when your child is upset but try to remain calm so you can reassure them and remember everything they tell you.

Teach your child to show confidence 

Sit with your child and encourage him or her to practise saying ‘No!' in a strong yet calm manner. Encourage your child to appear confident, e.g. walking with his or her head up, taking up space rather than slouching down and looking to the ground.

Practice what to say 

Suggest to your child that rather than always thinking on their feet, if stuck for words when confronted by a bully it can help to repeat the same answer over and over like a broken record (or say nothing). 

Protect our feelings 

How you think can affect how you feel. Ask your child to imagine that he or she is veiled in a ‘thick fog’ and when people say horrid things the fog prevents these from getting through.

This online video focuses on providing strategies to aid communication between you and your child.

WHAT IS AN ELSA?

An ELSA is an Emotional Literacy Support Assistant trained by educational psychologists. ELSAs aim to help to ensure that your children feel happy in school and are reaching their potential educationally by identifying and reducing any barriers to learning.

ELSAs help children and young people to understand their emotions and respect the feelings of those around them. They provide a consistent private space, time and the opportunity for your children to think about their personal circumstances and how they manage them.

The  ELSA work is delivered either on an individual basis, or within a small group work as this may be more appropriate, especially in the areas of social and friendship skills.  Sessions are fun, we use a range of activities such as: games, role-play with puppets or arts and craft. 

In ELSA we aim to provide support for a wide range of emotional needs:

• Recognising emotions
• Self-esteem
• Social skills
• Friendship skills
• Anger management
• Loss and bereavement

How does ELSA work?

Children are usually referred for ELSA support by their class teacher, Senior Leaders, SENCo or by parents request.  The ELSAs meet each other regularly to discuss the referral forms and to identify and prioritise which children require the weekly sessions.  They then plan support sessions to facilitate the pupil in developing new skills and coping strategies that allow them to manage social and emotional demands more effectively.  These sessions run for 6 or 12 weeks depending on the intervention required.

Supporting - not fixing

Remember, ELSAs are not there to fix children's problems.  What we can do is provide emotional support.  We aim to establish a warm, respectful relationship with a pupil and to provide a reflective space where they are able to share honestly their thoughts and feelings.

It needs to be appreciated that change cannot necessarily be achieved rapidly and is dependent upon the context and complexity of the presenting issues.  For children with complex or long-term needs it is unrealistic to expect ELSA intervention to resolve all their difficulties, however support will be designed to target specific aspects of a child's need.  Training and development of ELSAs is an on-going process and wisdom is required to recognise when issues are beyond the level of expertise that could reasonably be expected of an ELSA.  However we can sign post you to outside support that maybe more suitable in complex cases.

ELSA Support at Avenue: Rainbow Room

At Avenue we also offer the children emotional support on a daily basis should they need it.  This could be because of family illness, divorce, separation anxiety, friendship problems, worries about the work or anything that is affecting your child emotionally.   Please speak to your class teacher if you think this may help your child.

Our ELSA TAs are Mrs. Bentley,  Mrs. Giddings and Miss Davis and they are based in the Rainbow Room.

Most children will have dips in self-esteem as they go through different stages or challenges in life. Starting a new school, moving house, changes in the family and many other factors can affect a child’s confidence, but with support from parents and other adults they usually get through this.

Here are some thing you can do that can really help: 

• Show your child lots of love and be positive about them as a person – tell them what makes them special to you
• Set an example of having a positive attitude when faced with challenges.
• Let them know you value effort rather than perfection. 
• Encourage them to try new challenges, and celebrate them for trying. 
• Help them set goals and make plans for things they’d like to accomplish. 
• Let them know they should not to be afraid to voice their ideas and opinions. 
• Give praise for their successes, and don’t focus on areas where they have not done so well.
• Reassure them it's okay to make mistakes and that it's all part of life
• If you are unhappy with their behaviour, tell them, but make clear that you still love them.
• Acknowledge their feelings and help them express their feelings in words.  For example, encourage them to say, "I'm upset because..." or "I feel happy when..."
• Challenge them when they criticise themselves
• Help children discover and develop their talents, through clubs, groups and activities.  
• Allocate 20 minutes each day to chat, laugh, and do something together. 
• If you are worried your child’s low self-esteem is affecting their day to day life, relationships or ability to learn and develop, talk to us.  You can speak to a member of SLT, our FSW or your child's class teacher.

Zone of Regulation Training EYFS and KS1

Supporting KS2 children with Emotional Regulation at Avenue Primary Academy